pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I CAN MOONWALK!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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