That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
