I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
