well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
