if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
