failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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