I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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