So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
