No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
