nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
