dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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