youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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