By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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