and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
