sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
