Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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