worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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