First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
