my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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