i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
