All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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