You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
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does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
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He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
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