Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
