I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
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update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
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I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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