You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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