If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
