I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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