rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
