I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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