I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
