My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
