my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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