The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
