wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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