Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
