Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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