its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
