i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
