Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
