I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that