Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese

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  (650): I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese http://tfl.nu/0g2e
  Replies (11) Good night (3223) Bad night (607)
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person

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  (912): I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person http://tfl.nu/xc27
  Replies (25) Good night (8217) Bad night (652)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?

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  (978): so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call? http://tfl.nu/91ao
  Replies (29) Good night (700) Bad night (7534)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"

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  (202): He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!" http://tfl.nu/yfbj
  Replies (19) Good night (6558) Bad night (1244)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Salt in an open wound right now.

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  (301): I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job. (704): How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore? (301): Salt in an open wound right now. http://tfl.nu/m9a1
  Replies (17) Good night (1637) Bad night (5162)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.

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  (907): I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer. http://tfl.nu/7gfq
  Replies (13) Good night (3858) Bad night (1036)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.

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  (412): i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once. http://tfl.nu/brbs
  Replies (21) Good night (3169) Bad night (993)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  i think that dennys waitress has my boxers

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  (716): i think that dennys waitress has my boxers http://tfl.nu/oyrc
  Replies (15) Good night (3490) Bad night (939)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?

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  (812): Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave? http://tfl.nu/yd5g
  Replies (4) Good night (2832) Bad night (801)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  how bad is she

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  captain morgan with tits

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  (484): how bad is she (215): captain morgan with tits http://tfl.nu/5qnj
  Replies (7) Good night (951) Bad night (1955)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.

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  (978): The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty. http://tfl.nu/l80d
  Replies (10) Good night (1987) Bad night (502)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Strong work

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  (479): We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair (501): Strong work http://tfl.nu/wibt
  Replies (1) Good night (1443) Bad night (448)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno

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  (617): If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno http://tfl.nu/05ob
  Replies (8) Good night (833) Bad night (465)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.

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  (716): I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming. http://tfl.nu/r1ch
  Replies (6) Good night (1509) Bad night (432)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper

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  (318): she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper http://tfl.nu/ei3r
  Replies (3) Good night (724) Bad night (266)

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