Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You made out with two different species that night
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.