Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
we're so committed to being not committed