Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
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That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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