Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
