We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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