She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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