i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
