I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My cat gives me a boner
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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