So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
