I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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