she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
