I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
