he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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