Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i think i just lost a toe
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
