Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she smelled like a LAN party
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
