the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
