he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
