Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
