So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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