mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
