My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
