he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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