Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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