I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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