and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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