and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
