i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
