Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
