We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Randomize
