saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
