So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
